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(04/15/12 - 10:03 AM)
It's been a bittersweet week. My latest work is now in full swing, and I have my own copies in hand. And they look better than I could have ever imagined. This is a good thing.This week also marks the demise of this blog's most beloved and read character: Mr. Phillips Screwdriver. And - no - he's not dead. But his thread is. It's been removed from the site, and will not be returning. For the life of me, I don't know what I'll do with all the pent-up stories - yes, there are still stories. I'm toying with continuing to write them privately to be published, as originally planned, upon his demise (which I certainly do not wish upon him, any time soon.) As silly as it sounds, I feel like I've cut off a limb.
I went to lunch at Granite City yesterday with Wanda, where I masticated a Cuban sandwich blissfully to its all-too-quick demise, after dropping some books off to my Mother and seeing our accountant. For the first time in forever, we had to pay money to the state, and our return was paltry, at best. For the life of me, I don't know how that happens when we deduct like crazy, claim zero, and still take out extra. I'd like to believe that the government will use it for something useful, or that I could get behind. The reality, I'm guessing, is that we just bought a shiny new hatch for a missle. But - hey - I'll bet it's a REALLY nice hatch.
Friday night we ventured into downtown Rockford, to see my brother's new band, Wire Sparrows, do a show for their album release party. It marked the first time I have seen my brother play, in all the years he's been doing so, and it most certainly did not disappoint. Also present were Marcus Spitzmiller on guitar (a long-time friend of my brother whom I have gotten to know better over the past year) and Joe Reina (my brother's former roommate, and former lead singer of The Evergreen Trio - a band I still listen to on the old iPod to this day.)
The venue was cozy, the craft beer selection was amazing (unfortunately, I only picked one that was to my liking - and another one that had a 'secret ingredient' I couldn't identify past knowing it probably ought not to be there.)
I did manage to bang out a few chapters of the new novel this week, but nothing to write home about.
Wanda has also been diagnosed with a rare bacterial infection post-surgery. As such, she's been forced to live in pain for weeks, as the diagnosis was winnowed down. Her ability to sleep is effected not only by the constant pain, but also by the fact that she has to sleep sitting up. Worse still, the treatment takes fourteen days for full effect - and - may not work at all. Further, the treatment causes insomina, night terrors, and makes one's tongue taste constantly of something foul. Wanda says, most notably, it's a sulfurous flavor that is ever-present. I just wish she could catch a break this year. The upside is that, at times, her condition can take six months to a year to diagnose. Hers was done in a matter of weeks, thank God. I can't imagine her in this much misery for that long, so for that much I'm thankful.
We also picked up our custom, The Darkening Movie t-shirts this week (and they look awesome, Doug!) In this same vein, we're now toying with offering a custom t-shirt line as part of the Digital Ninjas offerings. This would be headed up by the talents and graphic design of Doug Skirinski - a founding Digital Ninja alternate - and would be a great way to utilize his skills, and our collective, horrible sense of humor.
Today, I plan on actually doing something constructive. I'd like to see about obtaining a WikiPedia entry, and also need to get a page set up for the new book. I've been sort of doleing out my time in random bits this week, and I >REALLY< need to finish something, rather than just working in starts and fits.
Finally, for you regular readers, I once more apologize for the block-form entry. I promise it won't always be this way, but my personal schedule is something akin to insanity on speed, so I hope that you'll forgive it and - moreover - continue to read and comment.
(04/09/12 - 5:22 PM)
Finished Chuck Palahniuk's "Tell All" and, I have to say, I agree with most of the negative reviews. The plot was predictable, the story plodded, and at times it was even hard to follow. After having fallen in love with "Fight Club", this was the second of his books I tackled. Apparently, I need to backtrack to find more of 'the good stuff'. Chuck - dude - don't do this to me again. Please?(04/08/12 - 6:44 AM)
Today's goals: create a list of possible venues for our latest client who is a Mary Todd Lincoln re-creationist (sounds better than impersonator, doesn't it?) Then, I REALLY need to work some more on my flagging novel, as the business book has put a successful kaibosh on it for the past couple of weeks. Hopefully, I can get re-acclaimated quickly, and keep the creative juices flowing.(04/07/12 - 11:22 PM)
Went to work this morning for a few hours, then off to Mom's for lunch. Wanda and I hadn't seen her in nearly four months, so it was a nice distraction, and excuse to catch up. It got better when, at The Olive Garden, I found that a long-lost dish that I loved to no end had been returned to the menu after a far-too-long hiatus.Got a couple little odds and ends chores done, followed by being given a pie she had generously made for dessert (we were stuffed, so THAT wasn't happening), and then it was off to the store for some supplies, and home.
I attempted to read a bit, but found myself falling asleep in my book. Instead, I ended up taking a nap, which turned into a three-hour affair. I can't for the life of me imagine why in the world my body demands so much sleep of late, but it's hard not to give in, the older I get.
(04/06/12 - 9:13 PM)
Just finished Mark Lawrence's debut novel, "Prince Of Thorns" and here's my opinion:First and foremost, in my humble opinion, Robin Hobb is clearly a poor judge of fiction or was paid a great deal to say what was said on the front and back covers. Also, the equating of this work, with George R.R. Martin, is simply ludicrous. Martin, Abercrombie, and Lynch (all cited 'similars') are in a league of writers far beyond Mr. Lawrence, and then by half again. And I don't say that loosely.
I hated this book from page one. It was clunky, ultra-devoid of description, and the characters' motivations were impossible to determine. By page 36 I was >this< close to closing the book forever, and shelving it.
Instead, for whatever reason, I persevered. By page 80 or so, I FINALLY got immersed in the story. Far too long, in my humble opinion. What I can say is that, while a slow starter, I did enjoy the remainder of the work to the end. The storyline developed enough to hold my interest, yet the glaring issues in writing style still remained (and bugged the hell out of me), but to a lesser degree. It almost felt like the work was only a quarter as long as it should (or could) enjoyably have been, and we (the readers) were dealt a disservice by the author in glossing over what could - potentially - have been good, solid expounding of plot.
If you've read everything out there and want a fresh, quick read, then this one would probably work. Otherwise, I'd save your money for something better written and more compelling.
(04/05/12 - 6:13 PM)
Lawn mowing #2 this afternoon, by the way.(04/05/12 - 6:12 PM)
Mr. Phillips Screwdriver in: 'Anything you can do, I can do better!':Earlier in the week, I had a sit-down with Mr. P.S. I sort of let him have it for doing things he need not (read: ought not) to be doing. I really thought I had reached him. For those of you, out there, laughing, and yelling, "Foolish Mortal!" at your screen: you're right to do so.
At the shop, we have a rare few jobs that pop up periodically. Even rarer are those which we get large quantities of over the course of a year, but are ordered in far smaller ones. When we run low on these, I gage workload and make a decision either to run them on the manual machines in the small quantity needed, so as not to form an unecessary bottleneck, or on the CNC machines, so as to maximize output for stock.
Jim (our loyal Expediter) came across a part just like this. When I had set the order up, we had the extra time, so I had requested on the drawing that we run (10) pieces: (3) for the order, and (7) for stock. Jim made a judgement call, as the due date loomed and, based on workflow, elected to switch it up, and only run the necessary (3). This - by the way - was a good call, and the right choice. On the drawing, he blacked out the note for the extras, leaving only the requirement for (3) showing for the operator.
Next, he chose a second-shift operator to run the components, explained the situation, and all was right with the world. He went home to (I imagine) have a well-deserved dinner.
Yet, at 7:30, he received a call at home from the operator, who had a question:
"Hey Jim. I'm supposed to run all ten of these components now? I just wanted to make sure, because you said to only run three."
After a few minutes of baffled conversation, here's the skinny on what had happened:
While the operator had been on break, Mr. Phillips Screwdriver had gone into his area. He had found and looked at the print. He then went into our stockroom (a big and confusing place, if you're not in the know) and had taken the time to locate the remaining seven pieces of material that had originally been cut for the job but, now, were stocked for later use. He took said material, brought it to the other operator's area and - upon returning from break - told the operator that he was to run not three - but ten - of the components.
Clearly this confused the operator but - he considered - that while he had been on break perhaps he had missed something. On a hunch he had called Jim, just to make sure.
Here's the biggest problem: we have no time. Had the operator followed Mr. Phillips Screwdriver's instructions, we would have ended up running components that we didn't have to have, in a super-inefficient manner (because, at ten, it needs to be run on a CNC machine) and would have lost more than one whole extra shift in production, when we are hours and hours behind already.
Thank God for the operator's insight.
(04/02/12 - 7:42 PM)
Finished Tim Dorsey's Latest-latest, "Pineapple Grenade" and - once more - Serge and crew don't disappoint. Still the best anti-hero of all time, and one of the funniest authors on the planet.(04/01/12 - 7:36 PM)
My new book, "Guerrilla Marketing" is now available for purchase in both eBook & Trade Paperback formats.I can't believe I (just barely) made my self-imposed deadline. A big thanks goes to Wanda for helping me limp through MS Word (a piece of software I often villify because it never seems to do what I want it to, and in doing its own thing, screws me to the point of no return.)
(03/26/12 - 7:15 PM)
Finished reading Tim Dorsey's latest, "When Elves Attack" and - amazingly for a holiday novel - it was pretty damn good, and all Dorsey. Oh, and: Vote Serge & Coleman In 2012.(03/25/12 - 9:42 AM)
This morning, I am excited. The marketing/business book is, for all intents and purposes, finished - with regard to content. I've chosen the photo for the cover, and today that's what I'll be working on. I've also begun working on the formatting, which is another hurdle I have yet to overcome to meet my self-set deadline of April 1st for release. Most likely, the Kindle release will come on that date, with the hardcopy to follow soon thereafter.Here is the proposed cover:
(03/24/12 - 9:15 PM)
Finished Sir Terry Pratchett's latest DiscWorld offering, "Snuff" this evening and - while it began a bit on the slow side - it turned out to be another sociological triumph of elegant simplicity and humor. Were it not for the diseases of the mind that he is beginning to suffer from (regretably, for numerous reasons), I would vote for him for President of Earth.(03/23/12 - 6:22 PM)
Last night, Wanda and I attended our first social event as a unit (she's gone to two others, but on her own, due to time constraints on my part.) What was supposed to be an intimate speed networking affair with 35 individuals turned into a cluster of 70+ bodies, cramped in a small space, where hearing was at a premium and movement was only allowable if the folks around you deemed it so.It was a failure and, yet, a success. We joined the local 'Buy Local' movement/group, which opened some new doors for our budding business. I was also - for the first time - available to meet in the flesh, which was nice in a reciprocal way, when I got to meet folks I'd been corresponding with digitally since as far back as August.
Some folks were less than I expected, while others were far more. It's interesting to parse out the personalities of individuals behind a computer, when confronted with them in real life. Believe me: There can be some stark differences.
We did get the opportunity to see some old friends again, and make some new ones. All in all, a productive evening, even if I never want to have an experience like that again.
A big thank you to Pat for inviting us, and keeping us in the loop.
(03/22/12 - 5:59 PM)
Mr. Phillips Screwdriver likes to come in and complain about the time clock. He has all sorts of ‘sage’ advice about why it doesn’t work for him (myriad doesn’t even begin to cover it.)Our time clock is an elegant little thing that, at its essence, is a credit-card-style swipe machine. Insert card, slip downward, go to work. Except, for whatever reason, Mr. Phillips Screwdriver can't seem to manage it. Instead he - inexplicably - jams the card in at Kama-Sutra-esque angles, jerks down, and pronounces it junk. I'd hate to see his antics in bed, if this is any indicator.
Over the months, and years, that we've had this little gadget, he has pulled several of us into his vortex of 'logic' more times than therapy will fix in a lifetime, to explain why it's junk, why we're dumb, and how it should work.
Today, he cornered our Expediter, and was - once more - monologuing about his theories (again) and what WE needed to do about. He spoke of electricity flowing through the body that could be - potentially - the culprit for the time card swipe not working correctly. The word discharge was used and no one laughed. This is how seriously we take getting away from him.
He openly bemoaned the fact that the cards MUST be changed every three months - perhaps less - everyone knew that!, he exclaimed, because the magnetic strips wear out. Credit card companies: You're on notice - you'd better get your shit together, and start sending me a new card quarterly, because now I know your secrets!
Also, cleaning them weekly was put forth as the right and correct thingto do but - with what and how - were not questions that he felt he needed to answer.
After a few more, agonizing, minutes, a normally placid, co-worker walked over to him, interrupted him, and said, "You know," he began, "I sure hope you operate your machine better than you do that time clock." Turned, and walked away, shaking his head.
I owe someone a Coke. Maybe two.
(03/21/12 - 8:46 PM)
After months and months of reading, I have >FINALLY< finished the entire 'Song Of Ice And Fire' series - all five monster volumes, with the current culmination coming in the 6-years-awaited form of "A Dance With Dragons". I've come to find that remembering people in these books is - for my poor brain - an impossibility. The upside is that George R.R. Martin seems to have a knack for killing them off, and weeding them out for you. This has helped as, by book five, a good many were dead and no longer needed recalling too much. This sounds callous, I know, but - trust me - if you'd read the massive body of work, you'd understand and, possibly, concur.This book, like the four before it, picks up where the last left off, and continues to offer 'peeks' into the lives of the varying protagonists and antagonists. It's a writing style that I appreciate, but that usually culminates in a linear story (a la William Gibson). Not so here, however, as characters pop in and out of one anothers radar.
Reading this series is a HUGE commitment. I'm glad I did it, but I can't say that I have it in me to put another one like this away in the near term. So, for now, I will read all of the other amazing authors, whose books have piled up around the house and are simlpy begging to be opened. After nearly a year of reading Martin's works (interspersed with a scant few others), I'm looking forward to something different. Still, a part of me will wonder what Tyrion (my personal favorite character) is up to, until the next installment.
(03/18/12 - 11:35 AM)
This week marked some insanity. First, and foremost, it was 80° this week, marking the first time in recorded history that this area had seen such high temperatures so early in the year. It's weird, but I'm not complaining.At work, we lost our shipping/receiving manager which - I feel - might be a blessing in disguise. While an excellent performer, her social interactions left a lot of us working with her on eggshells most of the time. Time will tell whether it is a blessing or a curse.
My marketing book is nearly finished, and I have a tentative cover photo all picked out. I'm 99% sure this is the one, but I'm waiting for some positive feedback to arrive before I commit. To me, this photo represents a turning of a corner from darkness into light, while elevating oneself to new heights. Plus, the colors are just what I had in mind, and the modernity of the scene is also something I was actively seeking. We shall see.
I am >FINALLY< starting to feel a bit better, after some six weeks of misery. I'm still not 100%, but I'll take what I can get at this point.
The movie permiere for "The Darkening" was an interesting experience. We got together with an old, mutual, friend whom Wanda and I hadn't seen in decades. He was the FX makeup guy on the film, and we were excited to be a part of his big day. Dave Block (fellow Digital Ninja) joined us as well, and we ran into a number of his movie-making friends and acquaintences as well (he's an independent filmmaker, in case you didn't know.) Doug (our mutual friend) was joined by his squeeze Amy, who turned out to be keen, and have a twisted sense of humor like me. His nephew Brian joined us as well, and we all had a nice, sit-down, dinner before heading over to Freeport for the movie screening.
Before the show, we attended the meet and greet with the cast and crew, which was also a new experience. It was clear that a goodly number of folks appreciated Doug's work on the film. And, when we saw it, we understood why. I didn't know what to expect, but I - personally - was quite impressed.
(03/16/12 - 5:46 PM)
This week: The Incredible Mr. Phillips Screwdriver Stars In: Four Short StoriesStory #1:
Earlier in the week, our Expediter was stopped from making his rounds by Mr. Phillips Screwdriver."Hey." Mr. P.S. asked, "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
Now, he could have gone for the cheap shot and been done with the whole thing. Insead, he looked Mr. P.S. over, and said, "Well, I'm fine, but it might be your t-shirt, long-sleeved shirt, and jacket that are making you warm.
Yep. Truth.
As he was walking away, he was stopped by a neighboring employee. Apparently, Mr. Phillips Screwdriver likes to climb on things. This employee, finding it amusing in the same way we find monkeys touching themselves amusing, had begun taking photos on his mobil phone when this ocurred, and showed our Expediter a few. I have seen only one, and cannot WAIT to see the rest for myself.
Story #2:
... is much more interesting, and in-depth:We had a couple (two pieces - remember this) of finely threaded, delicate components that were being moved from the turning department, to the milling department. Before moving on, I specifically instructed one of our employees to sleeve the threads in a protective mesh. That done, I moved them on.
The next afternoon, the components appeared in the inspection area, milling done, but lacking the protective mesh. I looked at the initials on the print, of who had done the work, and shook my head out of frustration.
I held my frustration in check, and asked that the individual who did the sleeving for me the day prior to please go and retrieve them from Mr. Phillips Screwdriver's area. (I had a hunch that they might be there.)
He returned, shortly thereafter, with not two, but four pieces of protective netting. He held them up, and said nothing.
"He has the second set of two, similar, parts also, and - let me guess - he took all the mesh off?"
"Yep," came the employee's reply. "But it gets better. When I asked him if he had it, he reached under his bench, into the cluster of things, and pulled out all four. So, I asked him why he hadn't replaced the mesh when he finished the parts."
"What for?" Mr. Phillips Screwdriver had asked in return, clearly puzzled by the inquiry.
"So, I said, 'Well, we took the time to put them in it for a reason. It was to protect the threads. Why didn't you just put it back on when you were done?'"
"What for? We don't need it," was Mr. Phillips Screwdriver's reply. That was all.
"So, again, I mentioned why," my employee said.
"Well, I don't see why we need it. It doesn't need protection to move from here to there," Mr. Phillips Screwdriver retorted.
"But it's already THERE - for a reason - why not just replace it?" my employee said, in what I can only assume was a high-pitched, pleading tone, wont for sanity.
"It isn't necessary. It won't get damaged from here to there. We're all professionals here."
At this point, the employee wisely took the mesh (which is, in fact, quite expensive), and walked away.
I have no rational explaination for this behavior. NONE.
Story #3:
Mr. Phillips Screwdriver 'noted' that we were sawing some aluminum extrusion components (think PlayDough Fun Factory, but with aluminum, and you know what I'm talking about now)."You need one of those special blades that runs backwards to cut that." he told our Expediter.
Not knowing WHAT to make of that, my Expediter made the mistake of responding, "What are you talking about?"
For several minutes, Mr. Phillips Screwdriver described a widely known and available (in his world, mind you) 'backward running blade' that not only cut the material, but left zero burrs in the process.
My Expediter went around and around with him, and finally flat-out decided that such a thing did not - in the form he was speaking of - exist.
After minutes of arguing, the matter was dropped, and the job was finished (successfully). The irony? It was a $10.00, side job. We lost any profit that might have been had on it, in the minutes wasted in fantasy-land.
The next day? He actually came in, after having searched for the thing he was talking about, and told our Expediter that he could find no mention of it anywhere.
I wonder why?
Story #4:
I was asked to order a new drill chuck and tapered holder for Mr. Phillips Screwdriver's machine. I did as asked, and ordered the particular, superior, brand that the entire shop not only uses - but has used - since it's inception.The item arrived, I put it in his area in anticipation of his arrival, and figured that would be the end of it.
Think again! (I should have known better, by now.) For, when he arrived, he immediately came into my office, and bemoaned the fact that I had, in fact, ordered an inferior drill chuck, and not what he wanted at all.
"I ordered precisely what you asked for, in the brand that the entire shop uses, and that the owner has chosen. What's the problem?"
"It's inferior! It's made in China! It won't hold a drill! It wobbles all over, and you can't drill nothing with it! It's crap!" Mr. Phillips Screwdriver raved.
News to me, "That particular brand," I posited, "Is the industry leader. We've had those in-house and in use for as long as you've been here. Why - now - is there suddenly a problem?"
"Well, maybe those were superior because they were old, and still made in America! This one has a little mention of China on the box! These are worthless!" he continued, frothing.
"Have you actually found that the chuck will not hold a drill and that it wobbles, as you say?" I asked, losing patience.
"No! I didn't even put it together, because I knew it was inferior and that you'd want to send it back to get the right one!" he replied, like I had asked for a tongue bath, rather than a rational response.
"All right, so: which one is superior to that brand?" I asked, point blank.
"Well - I don't know! But there has to be something made in America that's superior!"
I won't be redundant, and repeat all of the back and forth that then ocurred but, suffice it to say, my shop is now using an inferior product and doing so, under protest, by one lone employee.
(03/11/12 - 9:33 AM)
Another week is in the books. This week saw an even further increased workload at the shop, which translates to more hours for me. The paychecks are nice, but being sick for this long really takes its toll on my ability to do anything more than work and sleep - as was evidenced several times this week by my coming home, eating, and then falling asleep, no matter how hard I tried to do otherwise. It has also effected my impetus to write, and do other things I love. It's hard to be motivated, when your body is on empty.I did manage to get an entry written for the Guerrilla Marketing blog this week, so that was something. I wrote little else, and today's not looking too bright either.
Tonight we are meeting with old friends for a locally-made, movie premiere in Freeport, which promises to be interesting. Doug, a friend of both Wanda and myself, and an alternate on the Digital Ninjas roster, was the FX & make up artist on the film, and we're excited to be supporting him, while seeing his work for the first time. It will also mark the first time that we've met his squeeze, Amy, who seems like a peach.
In tow will be Dave Block, one of our founding members of Digital Ninjas Media, who is also an independent filmmaker. I think it will be like Christmas for him this evening.
This week also marked a rather odd occurance. One of my old classmates posted a class picture from 1982. Somehow, it evolved into a monstrously long thread by everyone she could locate in the photo and, suffice it to say, I reconnected with old acquaintences whom I hadn't seen in decades. I also learned that the guy I shared a locker with thoughout middle school had gone on to marry one of the young women in the photo - never saw that one coming, but they look really, really happy. Good for you two!
Saturday morning saw another 'milestone of odd things' for the shop, when we made some emergency Plinko-esque chips for an exhibitor at the RoRo Expo, who had put out an emergency message on FaceBook early that morning. Within a half-hour I was at the shop and twenty minutes later we had two varieties made (thanks to the awesome talent that is Greg Smith): one in PVC, and one in UHMW. The UHMW one proved to be lighter, and more 'bouncy', so it won out in the parking lot test on the game board. I elected to do it for free, based on the individual needing it, and her positive contributions to the town that I live in. I got to meet her husband, who was a nice fellow as well, and Greg and I got to feel the small rush of doing something nice from the shop to the community at large, with the skills we have to offer (him, really, moreso than me, on the skills bit.)
Earlier in the week, I received my copy of 'A Game Of Thrones' on DVD. This first season, while packed with nudity that it didn't need, does a fairly decent level of justice to the original works of George R.R. Martin, from whence the series sprung. And, at five of seven installments delivered, and some 4,200 pages, give or take, thus far, there's plenty of distance for this series to go, if the makers at HBO can make it last that long. I, for one, hope that they can.
I've received some amazing feedback thus far on the new book, and have been heartened to find that the emotions I wished to convey and invoke are, in fact, doing so. I never asked specific questions about certain things (I wanted to - don't get me wrong), yet I received the insight I would have desired, had I asked them. Having received this insight WITHOUT having asked made it all the more gratifying.
Work on the marketing book this week was all but non-existant. I need to get cracking on creating a wrap (i.e. - softcover book 'jacket') for the work, as I have elected to give it a go for myself with all of the software we have purchased for the business. We'll see how that little endeavor ends up.
We have a new addition to the family, as of yesterday. Recently, our second mystery snail went to the big shell in the sky. While we were at the pet store, we chose another based on shell color (it was a keen silver), even though we could not see the snail inside. Imagine, then, our surprise when the snail did come out and was JET BLACK. I had no idea snails even came in this color, and it is - for some unfathomable reason - simply an amazing novelty to see. Apparently, we're easily entertained.
Happy birthday this week to Chuck Norris, by the way.
I've been forcing myself to use Pinterest more and more, and while I don't get the draw (still), I do find that I'm very fussy about what I put there. I feel like it truly defines who I am, so the stuff that goes there has to be important, or not go at all. Am I 'accidentally' getting the whole phenomena, or is that just my OCD coming through?
Also began messing around with PolyVore yesterday. If you haven't heard about it yet don't worry - you will. It's basically Pinterest for fashion, where you create outfits, and 'sets' to mix and match from varying sources. It's a little more complex than I expected, but in trying to get in on the ground floor and write about these things before the bigger fish do (I beat them all to Pinterest by a couple weeks, by the way - something I'm immensely proud of), I need to use and understand them.
Went to lunch yesterday with Wanda, and while waiting 45 minutes for our food to show up, a shrieking child made no fewer than twenty-five, high-pitched, glass-shattering, ear-piercing shrieks, to which her mother replied each and every time with a slight, "Shhhh." The kid was almost three, and I wanted to punt her out of the place so bad that it was all I could do to maintain my composure. Thanks, lady, for making my experience so 'memorable'. I hope you get warts.
Wanda and I watched "Toy Story 3" on Tuesday, after having it in the DVR for months on end - twice. It was... okay. I'm still amazed at how far the digital technology has come since the first one. I still remember the awe and reverence I suffered while watching the first installment in the series - it was a cutting edge work that I don't think that I'll ever forget. Not because of the storyline, but because it was what it was: an eye-candy showcase of the pinnacle of computer graphics of the time.
(03/04/12 - 12:22 PM)
So, this week has been nuts. I've worked a ton more than I have of late - especially in light of all the work I missed being sick and on vacation. The cold continues to hang on and, as of this morning, it seems to be actually getting worse again. Likewise with the whole throat thing.I spent the day yesterday shifting gears and working exclusively on the marketing and management book I intend on releasing on April Fool's Day (And, no, that's not a joke). I managed to incorporate all of the blog entries into a functional document, got them sorted, and even came up with a working title, "Guerrilla Business". I chose this, as I realized that there were much more than just wacky marketing ideas on offer throughout the posts. I'm hoping to make it a short, succinct, how-to, tip book for the new - or growing - cottage or small business owner. It's not a long monologue on anything but, rather, a short set of nearly-bulleted entries outlining day to day ideas for a successful business. We'll see how that goes.
(03/02/12 - 5:11 PM)
My friend found this and, for the first time, I feel like someone is with me on this whole phenomena.
(03/01/12 - 6:42 PM)
A friend of a friend (a Realtor) showed a house with this in it today. Now, I may have my proclivities, and I'm no expert, but don't you think this sort of... limits the clientele who would be eager to buy your home?
(02/29/12 - 7:26 PM)
Happy Leap Day! This one comes from my wife:
(02/28/12 - 6:32 PM)
Vacation Pictures (For You Non-FaceBook Types):
2012 Florida and Cruise (02/26/12 - 10:50 AM)
So, this week was a nightmare. After working an 11-hour shift on Tuesday to get caught up, I spent the next two days calling in sick and sleeping. By 2:00 AM on Friday, the throat pain was so bad that I gave in and went to the ER. The whiteout conditions, and 6" of snow left me with 20' of visibility, whereupon I got seriously lost. I finally made it to the hospital, and - lo and behold - I think I was the only one there. Which made things a bit more expedient if nothing else. I actually think the staff was glad to see me, as they seemed very, very bored.I explained my symptoms to a chatty nurse (chatty in a good way), and was seen by a young doctor. I explained my symptoms, and my thoughts - specifically, that I had a strep infection in my throat, on top of a cold or virus, which was causing the fever and cold symptoms not typically associated with strep. Okay - I'm not a doctor - and I told her as much. But I've had strep 9 times in my life (have I mentioned that I was sick a ton as a kid?) so I get to pretend I know what I'm talking about.
Here's what we found: I had strep, and a cold or virus on top of it. Initially, she told me to take some Advil. I asked if that were a good idea, as I was already taking Diclofenac for my back. Her eyes got wide, and she said, no. Apparently, it's a good thing I'm paying attention. She told me to take over the counters - I told her I had been. Then I told her all of the other things I take for my back, and explained that the throat pain was cutting right through those as well.
She departed, but came back minutes later, having changed her mind. Now she wanted me to take a steroid, and didn't think antibiotics were a bad idea. FINALLY!
On my way home, I went seeking a 24-hour pharmacy. Apparently, the snowstorm had closed the SIX I drove by, so I went home empty-handed.
As of this writing, I am still cold-symptom-y, but the sore throat has abated. I don't know what I got into, but it's a nasty bugger. I've been trying hard all week to insulate my wife from this, which is hard because I like being around her. Today, she's under the weather, and I'm praying that it's not the same thing. I'd feel awful, especially after all the extra precautions we took to keep it from communicating between us.
So, this week was pretty much a whole lot of sleep and nothing more. I wasted time, forced my co-workers to do my job after more than a week of already doing so, I didn't get paid, because I wasn't at work, and I'm probably in for a well-reasoned finding of faults from my Boss (don't get me wrong, he's good at what he does, and we all have flaws - I just hate when he manages to pinpoint mine, especially when it's something that I've missed.)
This weekend did see more progress - finally - on the book. I also returned to writing my Marketing entries, after nearly two months on hiatus. The business has suffered during this crazy year, and now it's time to get it back on an even-keel.
Today, I work on the novel further, and at 5:00 knock off and call it a day. Hopefully, it will be a productive one - I could use one of those right about now.
(02/21/12 - 8:45 PM)
(02/20/12 - 9:30 AM)
I'm supposed to be off work until Thursday. But I had, in fact, planned on going back today. It just became apparent last night, after nearly 12 hours of catching up, that it wasn't in the cards. So, I took one final day off, before diving back in to the grind.After yesterday's entry, I knew I would have some forgotten thoughts. This morning, I had an important one. Specifically, about our room Steward. His name was Apolonio, and he was from the Phillipines. And he was the single individual in my travels that I have met, whom I regret not having been afforded the opportunity to get to know better. His outlook, sincerity, and work ethic were astounding. One evening, I asked him candidly how he enjoyed working for the cruise line. His words said one thing, and his hesitance another. I delved, and here is what I eventually discovered:
Apolonio is a trained architectural and engineering draftsman, mostly for skyrises and with a specialty in plumbing schematics. Yet, for some reason, he was cleaning my room every day and making my bed. The reason? In the Phillipines, he said, he could only make $200 USD a week for his skills. Here, he made more, but for ten months of the year was away from his family, working ceaselessly.
I was - well - heartbroken. Why? Because on the ship, each employee had a 'country of origin' label beneath their name on their name tags. And not a single one was from the U.S. or Canada. Perhaps this was intentional. What we found, instead, was that they were predominantly from poorer nations, or nations in flux. After speaking with our room steward, I wondered how many others on the staff were highly-trained individuals, doing menial tasks, to make more money for a family far, far away.
And that leads me to now. I plan on doing some investigating on the hiring practices of these cruise lines, for my own information. Because, to be frank, I don't think I'm going to like what I find.
I will, however, say this: Wake up you lazy, complacent, Americans. There are good people out there willing to do what you ought to do - work hard for a wage - and if you delay too long, they just might be entitled to your job someday.
(02/19/12 - 4:48 PM)
Holy cats, what a ride! For those of you out of the loop, we've just returned from ten days abroad. And I have some stories to tell! For those of you who are friends with me on FaceBook, you'll also be able to see the accompanying dozens and dozens of photos that compliment the stories. Ready? Then let's begin!On Thursday morning, February 9th, Wanda and I drove in to Chicago's O'Hare International Airport. For Wanda, this was her second time flying - the first being when she went skydiving, and missed the whole 'landing' thing. For me, it was the first time since I was thirteen or so. I still recall walking on in, a check in desk, and a jetway. Oh, my, how things have changed.
We knew what to expect (sort of), and quickly learned a lot of valuable lessons - of which we would learn several over the course of our trip (more on those as they pop up!) For starters, O' Hare is a phenomenal airport, with the worst seats imaginable. I don't know who invented these comfort abortions, but they should be shot, hung, and then shot again. Moving through TSA security was as expected. Wanda and I had read up on the whole affair before proceeding, so our luggage was the right weight, we had the right stuff in the right spots, etc. What we learned was that 'carry on' luggage wasn't what we truly thought it was. It appears as though a whole, separate, size of luggage exists for just this purpose. Had we known this, we might have invested in some. As it was, our backpacks just eeked by as being enough for our needs - but only just.
We flew an American Airlines 737 that looked as though it was built in the Reagan, or possibly first Bush, administration. As per all the jokes and barbs, seating was tight - especially considering my 6' 3" frame and, uh, ample 'carriage'. Nevertheless, we made it just fine. Taking off was as fun as I remember it being, and landing is way more intense than I recalled.
It was an uneventful flight, and upon arrival in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, we took the hotel shuttle to - well - our hotel. There, we met up with some of the folks who had already made it down there prior to us. A little background: The whole point of the trip was to see my very dear friend (and best man at my wedding) Bryan Mosier FINALLY getting his butt married at the ripe old age of 45. Honestly, I never thought I'd see the day, but he'd be a doofus to let this one go. Apparently, he came to that conclusion as well. As such, a number of mutual friends of Wanda and myself were coming in from various parts of the US to attend as well. The catch? They had decided to get married on a Western Carribbean cruise aboard the Crown Princess. More on that later.
We went to lunch with Bryan, his Fiancee, Cindy, as well as her three sisters - Becky, Lorraine & Beverly, and one brother, Tom. In attendance also were her mother and father. All of whom I got to know far less than I would have liked, because they were just damn good people. Lunch was in a small, retro-diner style restaurant on the shore of a lake, where we watched a flock of flamingos grazing (and thought of my sister-in-law Dena back home in the Loves Park cold.) From there, it was back to the hotel for some more socializing, and a good night's sleep. As an aside, Cindy had gone to the trouble of locating her estranged uncle, Dale. There was a falling out (at no fault of Dale's) in the family, and he was shunned and forgotten. This event marked the first time he had seen many of the four sisters and one brother since birth (he was very excited to come and be re-united with a family that he had been looking for, as they had been seeking him out at the same time) and it was neat to be a part of that moment. In fact, we ran into him and met him before some of the family even had, which was how we managed to get the full story as we watched it unfold before us.
Dawn brought a new day of looking for things to do, as the wedding plans were being set in motion. Wanda and I - without a car - got wind of a Bass Pro Shops within walking distance of the hotel. Without a lot else in the neighborhood, we said 'what the heck', and took the walk. Here's the first really funny thing: We took the route prescribed by a local native. And, in true form, it got us there in about ten minutes. As we ended our journey, however, Wanda pointed out that through the twists and turns, we had ended up across the road, and on the opposing side of a knee-high hedge, from our hotel. We could literally see the thing. Worse, in the hedge, were three spots where it was evident folks walked through all the time. So, in hindsight, we could have made the walk in roughly two and a half minutes. It's a lot funnier now.
This particular Bass Pro Shop, for those of you unfamiliar with the store, was a monster. It was more a mecca to outdoor activities than a store, and we got lost meandering around its confines to while away the hours. We found some SPF 50 sunscreen, and each found a shirt we liked. Connected to the store was a seafood restaurant, so we elected to have lunch there, with nothing more on our itinerary until the evening. I had, for the first time in decades, alligator (still awesome, if you've never tried it.) In hindsight, I really wanted to try the dolphin (having never had that before) but the alligator was just too fond a temptation to resist. Even Wanda had a bite, and pronounced it something she would eat. Culinarily, I've corrupted her - she eats all sorts of things she never did before, and I'm very proud of her eagerness to try new things.
As lunch was wrapping up, we received a call from some mutual friends back at the hotel. A large group had planned to go to the beach (which was the secondary catalyst for Wanda and I being alone for the afternoon), so we had not invited this couple to lunch. It turned out that they had stayed behind, so we exited the restaurant and met them halfway, after divulging our little 'short cut' that we learned about the hard way.
Upon meeting with them, we walked back to the restaurant via a different route. This took us over a small foot bridge, and we saw a number of iguanas lounging on rocks in the sun. One, in fact, was a male trying to get a little lovin' from the four females around him by doing this orange-throat coughing love dance, but to no avail.
Re-entering the restaurant, we sat with them as they had some lunch as well, and were surprised to be greeted just before leaving by Joe, another old friend who we hadn't seen in almost 13 years. He lives in Naples, Florida, and had ridden his motorcycle for two hours to come and see us all, and wish us well on our upcoming cruise. The man never ages - it's almost frightening how good he still looks.
We left the group behind, as they wanted to do some shopping. We had already been, and were getting tired, so we opted for the hotel and a nap. I fell asleep in my clothes, on top of the comforter. I was that tired.
Evening brought more festivities as Tom (a native of the city) had arranged transportation to a local Pub. Not only that, he had also arranged for our group to take over the entire, outoor, mist garden, and had arranged a karaoke DJ as well. Tom - you're an amazing guy, and I'm sorry I didn't get to know you more.
And then, another surprise. Tom is close friends with a harpist who divides his time between Florida and his home in Peru (yes - the country.) And not just any harpist. Nope, this was Roberto Perera - Grammy Award Winning Harpist. He treated us to a solo set of four songs, and watching this instrument being played live, and so adeptly, was something I will never forget. Not only that but, being a fan of the instrument myself, and a huge fan of Andreas Vollenweider, I got to speak with him, one on one, about this artist who - it turned out - we both admired. He admired the earlier works, while I tended toward the later (but less harp-pure) works. It was really a privilidge to talk with him in such an intimate setting.
Then, it was on to karaoke. For those of you who know me, I love nothing more than to belt out a tough song or two for my own benefit but - to be honest - I like to entertain. Good karoake is tough to find, but ends up being enjoyable when you find it. I received some good reviews from the crowd, so I called it a win. Cindy's rendition of the Patsy Cline staple, "Crazy" was another high point, as well as an elderly African-American woman who sang soul like the real deal and blew my mind completely. Cane or not, that girl could sing.
Bryan's brother, Mike *(who I always thought was named Jeff, until this point, inexplicably), was in attendance, as well as his parents - none of whom I had seen in eons, and even then only in passing. The next singer not only put on a show with a Cory Hart 80's staple, he also did a break dancing performance. What I found out, a short while later, was that this was Mike's domestic partner, Aaron. Turns out, Aaron used to teach dance. This proved to be a certainty as, number after number, the dude lit up the dance floor like a seasoned pro. And, while I'm not much for watching dancing per se, his skills were definitely worth the viewing. I got to know the pair better, and instantly warmed to them both. Aaron's mother, Vivia (who didn't look close to her 71 years - I thought they were pulling my leg) was also present, and proved to be yet another kind person that I would meet on this journey.
As the evening wore down (and my vocal cords wore out), we took a shuttle back to the hotel. There was an after party, hosted by Tom, involving green coconuts and high-octane rum, but Wanda and I just didn't have it in us to do anything but sleep.
Morning broke to us meandering downstairs for the best continental breakfast that I have ever experienced in a hotel (and I've been to, uh, a few in my day). It was jam-packed with folks waiting to shuttle to the cruise line's docks, but Wanda and I found a little, out of the way, spot to eat nevertheless.
At 11:15, we found our shuttle, and were informed that we were going to be screened prior to boarding, not in the normal location, but in the nearby convention center. The reason? Well, for those of you watching the news last week, you know about a Princess cruise liner that had to return on two consecutive voyages due to a ferocious outbreak of the Norovirus. We received the following from the cruise line in response to this, just prior to our day of boarding (in fact, during our wait in the airport, the two top news stories were of this, and the airline we were about to fly on's impending bankruptcy - not a good omen):
"I would like to take this opportunity to advise you that during the previous cruise there was an increase in the number of cases of gastrointestinal illness among passengers. This was identified by the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) as norovirus. Norovirus is the most common cause of gastroenteritis in the US and is currently causing widespread outbreaks throughout North America.
In response, initiated a comprehensive sanitation program developed in conjunction with the CDC. However, we continued to see cases and in consultation with the CDC, decided to return the ship to Fort Lauderdale on Thursday, February 9, 2012 to undergo a comprehensive 48-hour disinfection. The CDC is currently overseeing the disinfection process which will be completed by Saturday, February 11, 2012. We are confident that the ship will be thoroughly sanitized and prepared for your embarkation.
As an additional precaution, we will continue our disinfection throughout your cruise. To assist us with these preventive measures, we request your assistance with the following:
To prevent person-to-person spread, please ensure that you wash your hands frequently and thoroughly with soap for at least 20 seconds and rinse them well under running water. Do this each time you use the bathroom, after coughing or sneezing and before eating, drinking, or smoking. Always avoid touching your mouth.
Please attempt to always use your own stateroom’s bathroom facilities.
In addition to hand washing, please also use the alcohol hand gels where available and before eating in the buffet.
Should you experience any symptoms of vomiting or diarrhea, please return to your stateroom and report this by immediately contacting the Medical Center by dialling 911.
Thank you for taking the time to read this important information. The success in controlling the spread of this virus relies heavily on the cooperation of you and your fellow passengers. If you have any questions regarding this advisory, please contact 1-800-PRINCESS (1-800-774-6237).
Yours faithfully,
Dr. Grant Tarling
Chief Medical Officer
FACT SHEET - NOROVIRUS GASTROENTERITIS
What is Norovirus?
Norovirus is an extremely common virus which generally causes mild gastroenteritis (an inflammation of the stomach and the intestines). This virus is the most common cause of gastroenteritis in developed countries and is so widespread that only the common cold is reported more frequently.Symptoms of Norovirus include nausea, vomiting and diarrhea. Some people may also experience headache, fever and abdominal cramps. Symptoms usually last between 1 and 3 days and generally resolve without treatment or long term consequences. The incubation period of the virus averages about 24 hours.
Incidence: The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that 23 million people in the US (8% of the population or 1 in 12 persons) will contract the illness each year. Historical data has indicated that the incidence of contracting norovirus on cruise ships is 1 in 4000.
Is Norovirus a serious illness?
Not for most people. People who get Norovirus almost always recover completely without any long-term problems. It may be more severe however, for infants, young children, the elderly and those with debilitating health conditions including those who are immunocompromised. They have a greater risk of dehydration from loss of fluids. They may need to be hospitalized for treatment to prevent or correct dehydration.Is the illness contagious? How is this virus spread?
Yes, Norovirus is highly contagious and can be easily spread by direct person to person contact. As the viral particles are able to survive for long periods in the environment, the illness can also be spread via contact with surfaces such as hand rails, door knobs, and elevator buttons or by sharing food, water or eating utensils. Persons who have contracted this illness will remain contagious for about 2 days after their symptoms have resolved.How is Norovirus treated?
The most important aspect of treating the illness is to prevent dehydration by drinking large amounts of clear fluids. The doctor may prescribe medications to treat the specific symptoms of the illness, especially the vomiting and diarrhea. Antibiotics are not effective against Norovirus.Can Norovirus be prevented?
You can reduce the risk of getting infected by frequent hand washing. To prevent person-to-person spread, ensure that you wash your hands frequently and thoroughly with soap for at least 20 seconds and rinse them well under running water. Ensure that you follow this procedure each time you use the toilet, after coughing or sneezing and before eating, drinking, or smoking. Avoid touching your mouth."Not exactly happy-time in floaty town. The upside was that the CDC had given the all clear so, hypothetically, we were on the safest ship in the world for this problem. Which was reassuring.
Upon arriving at the terminal (and after fearing for our lives several times as the driver NASCAR-ed through the voluminous, convoluted, traffic doing likewise, we arrived at the porter stations. Here's the weird thing about porters for ships: they're not employed by the ship in any way, yet they are permitted to take your luggage for a tip. Personally? I thought better about this, and asked the remaining passengers in the shuttle if we HAD to give up our luggage. Two of them (cruising veterans both) said no, and that they didn't do it either. Which was a great relief to us both.
Just before exiting the shuttle, two porters were slinging expletives at one another in more than loud voices about taking one another's potential clientele. This cemented our decision. We exited the shuttle, and a porter grabbed my luggage as I did likewise. This resulted in a pretty severe injury to my shin (which, for the remainder of the trip swelled up to twice its size, and I fear might be hairline fractured based on the pain, swelling, and skin rednesss, bruising, and tenderness - it's pretty bad, actually.) I advised him that we were taking our own, thanks just the same, and got the hell out of there before another one tried the same stunt. I respect their need to work, but I don't respect what I had just witnessed in front of me.
We arrived at the gates to the convention center (the alternate check in location due to the outbreak), and were right at the front of the line. At least, we were at the front of A line. We waited. And waited. And waited - for nearly two hours - before the lines were open for TSA security screenings. Only, see, we weren't in any special group of any sort (i.e. - frequent cruisers, VIP's, etc.) so a smaller line (which went clear out the doors of the building) was opened before what, by the end, we were all dubbing 'the steerage passenger line'. For nearly another half-hour, all the better-thans streamed in, as I waited in agonozing pain through back spasm after back spasm. And, to be fair, there were some seniors who I'm certain had it worse than me. There was nowhere to sit, and the heat became a factor as well.
In the end, we were seen through the lines, only to be faced with a secondary waiting area. This one, at least, had seats. Here's the rub, though: we had no sooner sat down, than we were instructed to move to a tertiary area for boarding passes and ship's cards. The problem? It was a series of long lines for a-standin' in once again.
It became far, far, worse as we realized that our line was - and I'm being literal here - moving at less than half the speed of ALL of the others. The reason? The sextaugenarian woman on the other side had all the impetus of a bloated hippo.
In the end, we found our way onto the ship. And it was more massive than even I had imagined. I've been on tours of aircraft carriers, and seen the U.S.S. Eisenhower up close and personal. And these ships dwarf them. In fact, there were several in port, including the world's largest, The Oasis of the Seas which had only recently been completed.
Our stateroom mini-suite was, well, fantastic. And we immediately realized that springing for a private balcony deck was going to be sooooo worth it. It was a magic moment, I won't lie.
At this point, this is where more of my ignorance comes in. We spent a great deal of time worrying about things that newbies would, I would think, worry about. Specifically, where to go now, how the shore excursions worked, and how the whole 'drinks on demand' option we had heard so much about via word of mouth, but had no specific instructions on, worked.
We met up with some fellow friends, Mandy (who I've known for 21 years) and her husband Greg (who I had only met in passing at their wedding over a decade ago, but would come to know and appreciate as the week progressed), and found our way up to the open buffets six levels above us. By sheer accident, we stumbled upon a station where 'stickers' for your ship card were being sold which allowed differing levels of 'unlimited' beverage packages. I immediately sprung for this because, while costly, it was the cheapest - and simplest - route to go.
Let me take a step back, for those of you I just lost: when you board a ship, you are given a 'credit card' of sorts. This functions as not only your room key, but also is tied to a real credit card in the ship's database. It allows you to buy things on the ship, as well as on shore excursions, without having to carry cash, or your own credit card. Vendors then send the billing information from this card to the ship, the ship pays them, and charges you for the whole works in one big bill at the end. This protects you, your money, and your credit card number, and is a genius idea. The 'stickers' I spoke of were added to the card, to be shown to the staff when ordering a beverage, thereby getting it 'for free', and not having to sign a bill of sale every time you wanted a Diet Coke.
Later in the evening, after settling in, our shore excursion tickets arrived in the suite, and things became far more clear to us, which put us greatly at ease. There were a small number of other niggling lessons to be learned, but they're not really worth mentioning. Suffice it to say, we'll be pros in the know the next time around.
Cindy surprised us all with Wedding 'goody bags', with a logo designed by none other than our mutual friend (and Digital Ninja Partner) Jim Gade. She had asked him to keep it a secret from me, which he certainly managed, and it was a neat presentation piece. The logo was on the bags, as well as large magnets, which were affixed to all participants stateroom doors (they're metal, you see) so we could all find one another. We were also treated to travel kits of useful things, and custom embroidered beach towels. That girl knows how to spoil you - and it was HER wedding, for crying out loud!
We contacted Mandy and Greg once more about getting dinner. During your cruise, you may choose 'Any Time Dining' which lets you eat anything and everything whenever - and wherever - you want, as opposed to having assigned seating and dining times, which - to me - is just stupid. Two of the restaurants are not available for this option. Instead, to eat at these high-end of the high-end places, one needs to pay a flat 'cover' rate ($20.00 or $25.00, depending on the restaurant.) It seems silly, but the food offered there is really, really expensive stuff (more on that later on.)
We chose one of the nicer, restaurant style, places to eat and, after sitting down and perusing the menu, I chose a crawfish pie. The list of seafood ingredients was vast, but I checked it carefully because I have a SEVERE gastro-intestinal allergy to scallops. Only scallops, and only in a G.I. manner (not the throat-closing, epi-pen, kind.)
Two bites into the meal, I felt the texture of something small and scallop-like. On the third bite, I paid more attention and there, on my spoon, was a marshmallow-sized scallop. The profanity that ran through my head was profound. I was so angry, I didn't know where to begin. It wasn't anyone's fault, per se, but I HAD filled out all the requested paperwork and listed this food allergy under the 'special needs' section.
The waitress (who was amazing) brought me another dish, and I ate the single best Fettuccini Alfredo I have ever had in my life. I prayed silently that that small bite of scallop would not be enough to put me down (the past two times were caused by three and four full-sized ones, respectively, and left me a dead man walking with a pain level of 11 on the 1-10 scale.) Greg was good enough to offer some Benadryl, but Wanda had some in the room, so I took those. I'd like to think they saved me from a worse fate.
By bed time, I felt pretty good, and figured I might get off Scot-free on this occasion. when I woke at two AM, joints cramped, fever raging, and me in near tears, I knew I was in deep trouble. While the explosive double-ended gross cannons were silent, the fever raged all night as I silently moaned in excruciating pain and could not sweat.
By morning, it was all I could do to move, but Bryan's wedding was coming up at 11, so I did my damndest to get cracking. To make matters worse, we were in 30-45 foot swells, making the ship rock to the point of sea sickness. I was afflicted, but not throwing up. Others on the boat were not so lucky. What made it particularly bad for me, was the inability to use joints and muscles to even stand, let alone fight the rocking. In total, what should have been a 20 minute preparation for a wedding took more than an hour. In fact, up until the final half-hour before departure, I was certain that I would not be able to physically move myself to the site, some seven levels above. Wanda, bless her, found cranberry juice for me in the early hours of the morning, and brought me back two glasses. I felt awful sending her, but it was more than likely what got me through enough to move.
By the grace of God, I managed to make it up there, where the swells were felt two-fold in prevalance, being higher on the ship. I was now sweating buckets and Greg, again, voiced his concern for my well being, and took me outside for some air. I ordered a cranberry juice from the nearby bar, and sucked it down. Returning to the chapel, we were informed that the now 30 minutes overdue wedding would be a further 30 minutes, as there were complications with preparations. Bryan's father also informed him that his mother would be unable to attend, as the sea sickness was too severe for her to leave the room. I felt so bad for her, for several reasons.
By the time the Captain showed up (who was a funny fellow from the UK), the wedding was almost an hour late, and we were all green from the rocking. I was still sweating, in intense pain, and trying not pass out. Worse still, I had brought the company's HD video camera for the event, but was unable to stand up to film. I took the best spot I could but, unfortunately, the best man kept backing his butt up into my side-on shot (unintentionally, of course - he had no idea.)
The wedding vows were copious, but lovely. I only regret that I wasn't in a better position to enjoy the whole affair. When all was said and done, we were asked to report to the central area of the ship, where a splendid, open-air staircase spanned four floors. The bride and groom wished to get a 'top down' photo of the group. I just wanted to go back to my room and die, but I bit the bullet. Two more delays, and an hour later, the photo was taken, and I did return to my room for a rest. It was one of the top ten worst days of my life - and I'm not exaggerating.
By evening, I was at about 70%, and made my way up to the restaurant that Bryan and Cindy had reserved (one of the two with cover charges) where I had an amazing meal of veal and other goodies that made the cover charge understandable. Then, it was off to the top, rear, of the ship where the nightclub had been reserved one hour prior to opening to the public for drinks, dancing, and cake. I was in no mood, but I wanted to be there for Bryan, and for Wanda. I even got up the strength to have a dance with my lovely wife.
The next morning brought further relief, and the first of our ports of call, Grand Cayman. The problems began immediately, however, as the Captain came on the ship's intercoms to advise us that the normal port was closed due to the high swells. As such, we were forced to weigh anchor on the other side of the island, and take small boats to a 'rinky-dinky' pier on the mainland (the Captain's words, not mine.)
The trip was a new miserable experience, but once on the island I cheered considerably. We found our tour guide, who was a humorous yet off-putting fellow named Barry. He was a life-long native of this small, flat island. Unfortunately, due to our having to weigh anchor at an abnormal point, our tour was beyond whirlwind, forcing us to really miss out on the things we had signed up for. Be that as it may, I still managed to try a local 'Patty' sandwich, which is essentially a cross between a calzone and a hot pocket. Mine was a green concoction of chicken and curry and I loved it. Wanda... not so much.
Being whisked from our first stop, we then went to the sea turtle habitat and farm that had been designed to return their dwindling numbers in the wild to a more normal, balanced level. We were told that for every 5,000 eggs laid, only one turtle would survive to adulthood. Which is a little depressing. The turtles here were kept in large tanks, based on age and size, and we were permitted to handle them. It was an amazing experience. The largest resident was a behemoth that was more than 70 years old. It was almost as large as me in length, and its weight was... well, a lot.
Here, before leaving, I purchased a Jamaican soft drink called 'Ginger Beer' which was a whopping 425 calories and was both sweet and fiery. It was not something I would drink again, but it was worth the experience. Than, it was back to the boat, and another evening of food, friends, and fun.
The next day brought the small island of Roatan which is a part of the country of Honduras. Initially, we had not booked an excursion here but, at the last minute, chose to join Mandy and Greg. It turned out to be a fun decision. We rode the chairlift to the beach, and walked around the island for a while, as we waited for our tour to come up in the schedule. During this time, we had an amazing coffee drink that was like liquid awesome, and did some poking around.
The tour was a very scenic drive, and we ended up at an animal sanctuary and historical site. Not only did we see a tone of wildlife, flora, and fauna, we also were permitted to play with Capuchin monkeys, which was fascinating - especially when they jump on your head and shoulders. Within the sanctuary also were parrots, and other local birds. This small island is only 22 miles long, and 4 miles wide at its widest point. There was a point where we were driving on a strip of land, on the spine of a hill, where we could see both sides at the same time. In other words, it was tiny.
As we in the group roasted, the locals - who were in jeans - didn't even sweat. I guess it's all about where you live.
That evening, it became clear that our SPF 50 sunblock had not been applied liberally enough, as we both suffered second-degree sunburns - Wanda on the above-the-knee portion of her legs, and I on my nose and forehead.
The following morning, more trouble reared its head, as we were both suffering the effects of the burn. Wanda was so bad off that she could not move about. With great difficulty, I accepted her wishes that I go alone on our next stop, Belize. Here began what I had waited a lifetime to do: visit Mayan ruins. I bega nmy journey as one of the first folks off of the boat, and ended it on the last tender back. It was the longest excursion of any the ship had on offer for the entire trip. By bus, then boat, then walking, I finally made it to the incredible Lamanai Ruins site. And it was fantastic. Just walking amongst them, one could feel the history. And climbing the temple was the icing on the cake. I'll let the link and pictures do the talking on this one.
Throughout the trip, we saw dozens of native fauna: rare birds, crocodiles, fish, monkeys, ants, and on and on. Everywhere one looked it seemed there was something new to see.
Returning to our buses for the drive back, we were treated with an odd sort of dry cookie (good, though), and baked iguana. And - yes - it did taste a little like chicken. I also tried one of the local beers that is prominent throughout the country, Belikin. It actually wasn't bad - sort of a cross between a mild IPA and a lager.
Returning to the ship found me - literally - one minute away from Wanda sending a search party (I told you I was on the last boat on!) I found her in good spirits, and ready to face a new day. Dinner with friends once more, and a decent night of sleep.
The new day dawned, and it was off to adventure to the Coba Mayan Ruins in Cozumel, Mexico. This trip proved to be an arduous one as well. While the hike in Lamiya had been perilous, the roads into Coba were much flatter, more open, and easier to navigate. The issue was the distance one needed to cover to actually GET to the ruins. Eventually, we arrived, and were greeted with a massive temple to climb. I almost didn't do it, but forced myself. I'm glad that I did now, but the memory of the climb and, worse, the subsequent descent, still haunt me, and my sense of vertigo. Still, it was a bucket list item come to pass, so I was in high spirits.
By the time Wanda and I returned to the bus area, we were wiped out. We poked around a while, waiting for the remainder of our party to show, and were then treated to a 'school field trip' sort of lunch with some delicious sandwiches (I have no idea what they were, but they tasted great) a 'Mamut' (essentially, a Mexican Moon Pie) and chips.
In the interim of the drive out, we were taken to a Mayan artisan cooperative, where we purchased a full-sized, solid jade Mayan mask (you've seen them before in museums, I'm sure) that took the artisan some 25 days to carve. The price, for what it was, was too good to pass up, even though we had no idea how we were going to get it home. He's now residing in our living room, and it was totally worth all the hassle.
Then back to the ship for the second of two formal evenings. I donned my newly-tailored suit once again, and Mandy, Greg, Wanda and I headed for the second 'cover charge' restaurant. The food was good, but I guess I'm just not sophistocated enough to appreciate it. I also got my first taste of several large, wafers of black truffle. I have no idea what all the fuss is about with these things - they taste like cardboardy-nothing to me. To each his own, I suppose.
During our time on the ship, we were took in two shows. One was a nationally-known stand up comic (whose name I can't remember, much to my chagrin) and a juggling pair known as 'Team Root Berry' - both of which proved fun times.
I, in fact, was even brought to the attention of the comic. He was talking about zippers, and somehow the topic of the letters on them, and what they meant, came up. When no one said anything, I shouted, "YKK!", at which point he actually walked off stage to interrogate me as to how in the hell I knew this - and, further, knew what it stood for. I replied that I just had a lot of crap in my head, and for the rest of the night he kept referring back to me as 'that guy over there that knows everything' in good fun. After the show, he came and found me, and thanked me for being the fall guy. I told him it was fun, and no worries. It was sort of neat.
Our final evening was spent in another closed area wine tasting, and more cake and fraternizing with the wedding group (about 30, all told on the trip) where we were all presented with yet another gift - a custom picture frame commemorating the event. Then it was on to a quick dinner and then to the aft deck to watch a 'Movie Under the Stars' on a monstrous LED screen. The ship's staff put out specially padded lounge chairs and blankets on several levels, and even bring around drinks and popcorn. I liked it more than I imagined that I would, truth be told. It was a cloudless, starry night above, Wanda's head was on my shoulder, and the movie... well, it was 'Cowboys & Aliens' which I had not seen, but at least was marginally interested in (honestly, there were a TON of plot holes, but I didn't really mind so much as usual.)
Our final day, I awoke to a tall building cruising by our balcony window, and we were soon docked. We met up for last goodbyes, and disembarked from the boat in a much easier fashion than getting on.
Arriving at the airport at 10:30, we had to wait until 6:10 for our flight home. It was one of the single most boring days of my life, and I wanted nothing more than to be out of the airport. I was initiall very concerned, as the terminal was small and was - literally - standing room only. It turned out that seven ships had all come in at once - an unusual happening - which explained all the people. As the day wore on, the crowds thinned to nothing, and it was much more pleasant.
The flight home was super-turbulent, so the 'fasten seat belts' lights were on for most of it. It was a clear night though, so Wanda and I were treated to some breathtaking cityscapes lit up below us as we flew. I only wish the photos had come out but, no matter what I tried, nothing worked. In the end, having tried everything I could, I just gave up and watched the site unfold.
When we left Ft. Lauderdale, it was 77°. When we arrived in Chicago, it was 32°, and a far cry from the weather we had become somewhat accustomed to. Our drive home was uneventful, as we were both a little punchy from the 16 hour day of travel and waiting - a day that went from an ocean liner to a bus to a jet to a car, mind you.
Also, during the cruise, Cindy thought it would be fun to have a points-driven scavenger hunt where individuals had to find - and take a picture of - certain scenarios or things. And some were darn tough. We watched as a father allowed his three children to become the top of a human pyramid in the buffet dining room (this got everyone in the place within line of sight more than curious, I'm sure) and Wanda and I assisted Cindy's sister Beverly and her husband, Byron (both amazing people, by the way) with some last minute, creative, solutions to the few things she was missing, with made for an amusing last morning in the buffet restaurant.
And that's about it. My book (so far as it's come) went out to the reading group prior to my departure and, already, is garnering good reviews and helpful feedback for use in refining and completing the work, hopefully, some time before the year is out. I had taken off of work until Thursday, then had intended to return tomorrow, but after the craziness of today, the lack of sleep, and just a general need to unwind (we've been getting caught up on - well - everything all day) I have taken the rare step of excusing myself from work tomorrow. I'm not going to regret it. Oh, hell - that's a lie. But I plan to go stress-free tomorrow, now that most of the work (and this 3-hour blog entry) is complete.
To Bryan and Cindy: You're both amazing people. Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to share in your special day. We love you both like family, and look forward to visiting you soon. Congratulations, and thank you for making your own day so special to the rest of us. It's a testament to the sort of folks that you are, and that's a rare thing.
I'm sure that there's more, but the good news is that, what I haven't imparted here for my own posterity, I'll always have in my head.
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